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72. Where Do I Find Confidence?

Updated: Nov 4, 2022

Do you dress to become more confident, or do you dress according to how confident you are feeling?

Recently I watched a British programme called “10 Years Younger In 10 Days” It was one of those makeovers shows and it left me with conflicting thoughts. There was so much emphasis applied to the way the women in the show, the participants, looked on the outside and what age the general public decided that they appeared to be before and after their makeovers. My interest grew because I could see the confidence rise in the women as the transformation took place. New teeth, new eyebrows and new fashion styling all played a part in giving these women new confidence. They were portrayed as women who had more or less given up on themselves because of their circumstances, yet as they were transformed outwardly, they began to shine from within. Their looks played a huge part in them becoming more self confident.

It is easy to fall into this kind of thinking when you have children to care for or an issue due to an injury or illness or just general life and ageing leave you feeling like you don’t look or feel how you want to, and it just seems too hard to change. We can become so dedicated to everyone else’s wellbeing that we forget to care for our own. I have certainly fallen into this way of thinking at times over my life. Feeling like I don’t have the time, money, or the strength to work on myself or worse still, that I am just not worth it.

Acting like the martyr in order that everyone around us is catered for. It doesn’t make for a better person; in fact, it can cause resentment and lack of self-worth.

Putting up with a circumstance or trying to hide something that ‘they’ say is unusual or different because we don’t want people to stare or feel uncomfortable. Things like my wide legs that are riddled with varicose veins, even though I have had them removed and treated several times over.

Thankfully the world is beginning to embrace what was once viewed as being not normal, but we have a long way to go!

So, I think that my conflict lies in the ideas around if we want to grow in confidence and find self -worth should we begin on the outside or the inside? and why do our looks play such a big part in it? I think the answer might be different for each one of us. Some of us will become more confident through working with a good counsellor or psychologist and others will grow as we hone in on finding the styling and look that we love for ourselves. Mostly a combination of good individual styling and good counsel is what we need to become more of our best confident person.

I would add to this that I believe that it all stems from gaining understanding about who we were created to be. Getting to know the Creator and His purpose for our lives is a lifelong journey of spiritual relationship with Him. Like all relationships, the more we work on them the closer we become. Reading the bible, praying, and journaling my thoughts are the ways that I do this, and the more that I do the more convinced I am that it is worth the time, effort, and possible ridicule from those who choose not to share my belief.

Changing our outward appearance can bring us joy and confidence, as it did with the participants on the television programme, but we will continue to age, and our bodies will change so there is no guarantee of lasting satisfaction. How we look is the first impression people get of us and is often the way we feel that people judge us. We can also use our outward appearance to mask our true inner feelings and that is why it is beneficial to work on all areas of ourselves.

Working on our inner self can take longer and may be painful. I totally understand the reluctance to go deep when you fear what it may bring up that you may not want to deal with. I have no psychology degrees, but I think that maybe facing the stuff of life and getting to the other side of it could be so very freeing for the soul. Recognising things about yourself that you may not like and considering where they came from and how you could change them might be a start. In the meantime, dressing in a way that you absolutely love for yourself can bring you the confidence to keep moving forward.

Please get the appropriate professional help for this work if you think it will be hard and painful.

I have found so much help in my own life and growth through learning more about how the Creator God loves me and created me with a plan and purpose. The Great One who made everything and keeps it all spinning in place knows me by name, even knows how many hairs are on my head (Luke 12:7) and wrote my life story before creation began (Psalm 139:16) So I will continue to read His word and His promises to me in the bible and I will take time to pray and journal about what I believe He would say to me. This brings me inner wellbeing and gives me the confidence to truly be more of who I believe I am supposed to be. It is a continual work and I am by no means 'there' yet. I still feel a lack of confidence at times and sometimes feel alone in my pursuits in this world.

Personally, I think that mostly I dress to try to improve my sense of self. Especially on a dull cold day where the mood in the house is low like it currently is, and I feel tired and a bit overwhelmed by the stuff of life. It doesn't always change things, but being more purposeful about the way I dress can remind me to also purposely work on my inner wellbeing.

Maybe you are completely fine with who you are inwardly and how you dress and look outwardly and that is fantastic! My encouragement to you is to check on your friends, family members and others. Find ways to honestly compliment and encourage them and always have some kind words to say to whoever you meet during your day. Let's all take more care of each other!

As always, I thank you for taking the time to read my words, may they encourage you in some small way today. I appreciate you,

Love, Suzanne

P.S. I will be at the Handmade in the Hunter Markets at Sobels Wines, Pokolbin tomorrow 24.9.22 and next Saturday and Sunday 1&2.10.22 with pieces from my new Summer Collection -Weather pending

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