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60. The Depths of You

Updated: May 23, 2022

The third in my YOU series!

Disclaimer - I have no training in counselling or psychology, On this blog I just want to explore my own ideas around looking deeper into ourselves. If anything I say triggers deep or profound thoughts in you please seek professional help through your GP or other trained professional.


The distance from the surface to a place within.

The quality of being intense or extreme.

The state of having serious qualities or the ability to think seriously about something.

It's a grey and wet day here, autumn has definitely arrived and I am beginning to layer up the clothes that I am wearing. Right now I have my pale purple cardigan on. It's a winner twice over because it is my favourite colour and I looooove cardigans! They are one of my most worn pieces of clothing as the weather cools down.

*This makes me feel happy and want to pull out all of my cardigans.

Underneath my cardigan I have an orange T shirt. There was a time when I would never have worn orange, but now it's right up there with all the bright colours in my wardrobe. Can I just admit that it is the same T shirt that I wore to bed last night, and because someone arrived here before I had had a thought about my clothing choices for today, and the fact that I don't plan to leave the house, I just went with it. I have since been reminded that it is Kings Day in the Netherlands, and my husbands family are Dutch. Orange is the colour of the day, so I am all set. Comfortable, colourful and patriotic all in one simple T-shirt.

*This makes me feel okay about not thinking too much about my outfit today. I might need a few more bright coloured T shirts in my collection.

On the bottom half I am wearing my light olive green Poppy Pants from my very first SuzziMaggs collection. I am really impressed with how well they have lasted since I made them as a prototype 2 years ago. Simple wide leg style with elastic drawstring waist. They are casual, comfortable, but still stylish enough to wear out to lunch somewhere nice.

*This makes me feel satisfied with what I have made. I need to wear more of my own designer pants.

Going deeper I have on my very basic underwear. Nothing pretty or lacy, just stuff that fits and does the job. I am thankful to have it and that it holds everything in place as I move through the day. But as I allow myself to sit in the weird place of thinking about my basic undergarments part of me becomes sad that I don't take the time, money and effort to buy nicer underwear, and one of the reasons is because I can feel like it would just look ridiculous on me as a larger sized person. This stems back to a young impressionable teen me who spent too many hours pouring over fashion magazines full of photoshopped models who were way too skinny and stretched out of all realistic proportions. I will never look like that! Thoughts around not being worthy of wearing pretty things unless I am a certain shape and size can come in and distort positive, realistic thinking. When it all boils down, the models don't even really look like that either!

*This makes me feel like just going out and buying the undergarments that I love, only I get to decide what I want to wear.

Beneath all these layers is my skin. A pinkish, peachy, beige layer with a dusting of tan and reddish small blotches and freckles. I like to think of myself as a woman of multi-colour. My skin has a huge job to do holding everything together and inside me, and I am afraid that I neglect it way too much. I am not good at moisturizing and treatments, or even hydration and the effects of aging are real. I can accept the wrinkles and age spots, but I really should take more care if I want it to keep holding me together for a long time yet.

*This makes me feel like I need to put my physical self care a little higher on my priority list.

Inside my skin are all the working parts of my body. As I sit here for a moment and feel into myself my ears are ringing, some of my muscles are slightly sore, my back is asking me for a break from sitting here and typing, I constantly continue to breath in and out without thinking about it and blood pumps all around me as my heart keeps beating life through my body. I can move around freely and am completely independent at this time of my life.

*This makes me feel extremely thankful. For my health and access to good medical help whenever I need it. I definitely need to make time to stay healthy and improve my fitness levels.

I could go on to consider all the microscopic bits and pieces that go into making up my physical body now but aside from being completely amazed by the intricacies of it all I know very little about it. I will just say that this makes me feel fascination and awe for the Creator of it all.

Deep in me, somewhere inside of my being I think and feel and have a mind that can make decisions and learn new things and understand and my brain has a huge part to play in that. But going even deeper I believe I am spirit. Some people might call it gut feelings, inner light, psyche or enlightenment. It's the part of me that decides what is right or wrong, that moves me to tears when I hear sad stories about humanity and to great joy at the sight of my people, my family, beauty and the grandeur of nature. It's the thing that fills me with conviction about actions that I should or should not take. The place of my deepest thoughts and pains and joys and secrets. The place where I can bury feelings and issues away that I don't know how to deal with. The place that can come bubbling up to the surface and make me feel less than enough, unworthy and incapable if it is not kept healthy.

This deep inner place is where the real work needs to be done. A healthy spirit will filter out through all the other layers and help you to become your best confident person.

Some people might stop and meditate, read books for guidance, listen to music or go to therapy to grow and take care of their deep inner self, their spirit. As a Christ follower I pray, study Gods instruction book the bible, journal my deep thoughts, and share encouragement with like minded people. I find by doing these things I receive healing and the strength to deal with hard things, as well as encouragement in being able to share my joys with like minded people.

*This makes me feel hope and peace even amidst the turmoil of the current world climate. I need to take most care of my spirit.

I have titled this blog post The Depths of You, but I have written it all about me, my layers and my perspective. This is because I don't want to begin to think that I could understand the inner complexities of someone else's deep spiritual places, but I hope that what I have written will encourage you to spend some time peeling back the layers of yourself to find your depths, taking note of how it feels along the way and what you might want to do with what you find.

To end on a lighter note, doing this deep work will influence your fashion choices and will give you the confidence to wear what you love as well as giving you some understanding on why you wear what you do. It will also enable you to figure out clothing choices that can have a positive affect on you or the people you are with, and you will be better equipped to encourage a friend in their fashion styling choices as you help them look a little deeper into what they wear and how they feel.

Thank you for reading,

Love Suzanne

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